october 1 soundtrack

we said at the event in october that we would share the music that was created for the evening, with the healing haikus that our friend Katy and her family recorded.

if you weren’t there, just a little background on that  - we wanted an ambient soundtrack to play during the event, one that wouldn’t be distracting or jarring, but would contribute in a meaningful way to the overall atmosphere.

if you go back and read this post about the haiku assignment, you will learn where these haikus came from. they were recorded for the event and our good friend, musician Ryan Paul got his band together and put music behind them.

 

 

 

process evolving . . .

in our first year of this project, kate and i were so grateful and eager to be meeting people that wanted to participate that we would schedule studio time and then jump in with cameras right away. it worked in the moment, but a more defined process began to emerge. we started to meet women who weren’t sure if they wanted to participate or not – so we started spending an hour or two just talking, hearing stories, and asking what motivated them to even be considering doing this. this seems so obvious now, and it has become an essential part of our process.

often in the course of that discussion, the photograph that i want to take of the person becomes very clear in my mind. sometimes i need more time to process before i talk about it, and sometimes i blurt out my idea in the meeting. when we met with our wonder woman, katy, she told us the story of having a double mastectomy on her 40th birthday. it occurred to me that we could help her reclaim her birthday – but that’s not how i said it. i get excited and all idea-bursty and just pounced on her with LET’S DO A BIRTHDAY PARTY!!  my words coming out hadn’t had time to align with where i was coming from in my mind, and it immediately didn’t feel right to her. we don’t ever want to push anyone to a place they don’t want to go, but i explained that depending on how we approached staging a birthday party it could be a chance for her to begin to replace a painful experience with a pleasant one. we did three photo shoots with katy, and we did end up doing the birthday party. she chose five of her dear friends to come participate and brought decorations and the actual birthday cards she had received. our mutual friend nicki baked a cake. people brought presents. we had the full spectrum of emotions. in the end, it wasn’t a staged birthday party, it was REAL. it was wonderful.

the photo that we chose for the october event was an interpretation of something that katy had told us in our first meeting: that she felt amazing support and friends and loved ones all around her, but still at times felt alone in her experience.

yesterday we met with an incredible woman named patty, and she went home and wrote about the meeting here. after the meeting my mind was racing with ideas that we want to try in the project. every single time we meet with a new person we learn something new, get inspired, and find our project growing wiser.

i wanted to write about our process because i want you all to know what we are doing behind the scenes, between events. i also want to let you know in case you are reading this and thinking of participating or meeting with us, so you start to get an idea of what to expect.

we are working on a plan to bring people together more often than in october. we are learning that though our project has a website, the real stuff doesn’t happen online. we want it to become more accessible, more often, and are moving slowly and surely toward that.

The Other Project

in the last week i’ve had so many people send me the link to this project that is similar to ours – The Scar Project and ask me how i feel about it. my first thought?

“OH MY GOD THOSE WOMEN AND THOSE PHOTOS ARE STUNNING.”

and my next thoughts, in no particular order, were:

  • does this decrease the impact of what i am doing?
  • what can i do to get that much attention directed toward our project?
  • would people more broadly understand what we are doing if we shared all our photos on the internet?

and then i started trying to answer myself.

NO. this does not decrease the impact of what we are doing, in fact, i think it makes it stronger. we are doing our part, in our community, to make a difference in people’s lives. i am glad we aren’t the only ones doing this! we can’t do it alone!

i don’t know what i can do to increase the attention we are getting, that’s not my field. but i will say that so far it has seemed that every time it starts to speed ahead of us, it’s not as genuine. the project has its own life, and its own mind, and it has bestowed upon Kate and i the honor of hosting it, holding its hand, being its guide as it puts itself into the world. it tells us what to do, and it tells us we don’t need to hurry to have an impact. we don’t need to hurry to be doing the right thing.

people may more immediately understand what we are doing if we posted all our photographs on the internet, yes. but . . . that’s not what we want. we started this project with the intention of starting a conversation, and to make people think. we had fears in the first year of how it would be received, and we were cautious in our approach. Kate and i personally both prefer to make people happy, not to chafe or shock. above all else we did not want to shock. we wanted to provide a kind and meaningful glimpse of real women doing real things and really surviving. and being beautiful because they ARE.

here’s the thing, and i find myself saying it over and over:

THIS IS NOT A PHOTOGRAPHY EXHIBIT.

we happen to take photographs of women and use it as a way to express this conversation. we use it as a way to introduce you to women who have a story to tell. we use them as a way to get people talking about what the journey is after a breast cancer diagnosis, so that more people can participate and lend a helping hand on that journey. or to at least have a glimpse of understanding and let down their barriers.

every october (and now that we have our space, probably more often) we celebrate the women we have worked with by hanging up their photographs and throwing a party. this is not a photo exhibit because a photo exhibit can stand alone. it will still be an exhibit when no one is standing in the room. this is different – it doesn’t exist without the amazing people that come together. you look at the photograph, and the woman in it is standing there, in person. and you talk to her. and you hear her story, in her own words. and you cry a little bit, or a lot, and you are overwhelmed with the power she has claimed by doing this and you are bursting with gratitude that she has stepped forward and done this and helped to unlock the start of the universal acceptance that HAS to come.

she is a pioneer, and you are there with her and you become a pioneer too. and that is why we are here. that is what our project means. we welcome other voices, other projects. we can’t do it alone.

It’s Here!

There’s no going back now! The Fox Egg Gallery is now filled with the images of incredible women. Amazing sights and sounds are cued up. And the day of a brand new conversation has arrived. Here’s a picture of the controlled chaos leading up to the event.

 

It’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and that’s important. But it doesn’t mean much if we don’t have, well…awareness. Pink is pretty, but wearing a ribbon doesn’t save lives. Early detection does.

Wearing ribbons in solidarity is a great gesture, but it doesn’t mean much if we’re not aggressively supportive of the women and men in our lives who are struggling with an illness that is at best frightening, and at worst life-threatening.

We need to be taking care of ourselves, our mothers, our sisters, our friends. We need to be reminding the men in our lives that they, too, can get breast cancer–they should be doing exams, as well. We need to stop being afraid of saying the wrong thing, and start simply reaching out with kindness. We hope that tonight, the courage and openness of our amazing models and friends will help us all to better understand this cancer that affects us all.

Here’s our schedule:

5:00-We begin! Hang out, see some art, have a snack. You know. You’ll hear a soundtrack. Listen carefully: it’s an original score by Ryan Paul and Corey Eischen of Sleep Study, written in honor of this year’s amazing survivors. In the background, you’ll hear the verses of a family deeply affected by breast cancer and incredibly proud of their survivor mom/wife. While you’re listening, please don’t look at me. It makes me weep, without fail.

6:30-Diedrich Weiss plays a gorgeous song he wrote, called “Wounds to Scars.” Pretty much, it’s perfect.

7:00-The incomparable Colleen, one of last year’s models, gives a presentation about how she works to preserve her legacy, and offers insight into how you can share your own.

8:00-Brianna Lane will play a set to wrap up the evening. If you’ve never heard her play, it’s worth coming just to see her. Of course, it’s worth coming just to see the art. Or just to hear Diedrich. Or just to hear the poetry and musical soundtrack.

Or just…come on in. We’ll bear hug your face.

Resonance

When we began this project one year ago, I hoped with all my heart that we would be able to create a project with universal resonance. I knew it was a challenge.

Breast cancer is a disease that is both individual and universal. It hurts as as woman, and it hurts us as women. It changes the lives of men and children, mothers and sisters. It is everywhere. It is a secret.

My collaborator, the photographic genius that is Elli Rader, spent countless hours discussing with me what cancer means. We’ve talked about why it affects us all, and how it affects us each. We knew that exploring breast  cancer was a task for which we were under-qualified. We decided to try it anyway. Because of our models and our readers, we learn more and more every day about survival. We strive to capture what that means in art. We hope we do it justice.

Yesterday, we got the news that a photograph born of this project has been selected for display in an incredible project. Woman as Photographer, as explored by the Minneapolis Photo Center in cooperation with some of the most amazing women in the Twin Cities’ art scene, has selected a photograph of Elli’s for display in an upcoming exhibit that seeks to explore the artistry of women who speak to women.

I am so proud of Elli for her fearlessness as she explores the artist within herself. I am even more proud of Elli for the artistry she unlocks in her subjects, and for the truths that she shares with those who see her work.

I’m proud to be her friend, to be her partner in this project, and to collaborate with her as we seek to share your stories. Thanks to all of you who have helped Of Scars to reach an ever-broader audience. We can’t thank you enough for helping us to find and to share the beauty of survival. Your stories are what makes this project resonate with survivors and those who love them.

I’m proud of you, too.

Taboo-Smashin’

Through the magic of Twitter, I was directed to a link for the 007 Breasts Web Site, a fascinating little project that explores the American psyche in regard to breasts.

It’s a challenging look at the taboo of breasts in our daily lives, and its message works very well in partnership with our own. There are lots of issues that factor in to how our culture deals with breast cancer, but chief among them is the issue of body taboos: If unaltered, biological breasts are “sinful”, even when breast-feed a baby, how are we  supposed to discuss and process what happens to them if cancer changes them? If “normal”, healthy breasts don’t look like a media ideal before a lumpectomy or mastectomy, how are we supposed to embrace their beauty in a new form?

It all boils down to the incredibly complex interaction between our media-saturated culture and our collective body image.

“Normal” breasts are as unique as the individual who “wears” them, and the 007 Breasts site contains page after page of non-sexual, galleries filled with images of  normal, actual breasts–and a few images of breasts with unusual histories, as well. Check out the site, and ask yourself how these images differ from the breasts you see on billboards, in magazines, and on television. Would your body image be different if you’d been raised to think of breasts like these as normal, as opposed to those you see in advertising?

accolades and new (exclusive) things to see

last month salon owner Jon Clifford of Accolades Salon/Spa invited the women who have participated in some of our shoots to come in for a day of pampering and dress ups.  later that night they hit the stage at a hair show to represent his salon and our project, and to celebrate their beauty and strength.

the ladies got two standing ovations and absolutely lit up the stage.  head over to our facebook page to see the photos, and while there please give us some Like.

in other news, we want to give you a head’s up that next week we will show you some exclusive photos and information from our Oct 1st exhibit for those of you who weren’t able to make it that night, or who were there but didn’t have access to it via QR readers, or who just want to see it again!  we will take those pages live for a week, and then take them back down again, so watch for it.

thanks, as always, for your support!
-elli rader

not enough words to say thank you

it really does seem that asking people to look at the beauty of physical scars helps them to see the value of, and bring to the surface, their emotional scars. i believe that when you bring them to the surface, they are easier to deal with–whether you “deal with” them by fixing them, understanding them better, or merely learning to accept them.

there are so many ways to heal.

hanging the show

just a couple of months after launching this website and beginning this project, a friend of ours was diagnosed with breast cancer. i told her about what we were doing and that we are here for her if she needed to talk. she responded that after reading the site, she felt so much less alone. in that moment i felt that we had achieved any goals we ever set out to accomplish. we had made at least *one* person feel less alone, and more understood.

in the short week since our opening exhibit and discussion that took place on oct. 1, we have been responding to a humbling amount of new messages, feedback, interest, and support for our project. as big as it felt to us in the moment, we know it was just the start of a long and wonderful journey.

hanging the show

we are so grateful for all those who came to the event with open hearts, compassion, honesty, and support. we have been watching as some of you have connected, and we couldn’t be happier about it. we wanted so much for the night to be not only powerful and emotional, but hopeful.  not sad.  honest.  engaging. i feel it was all those things, and the feedback i’ve gotten since oct. 1st is that many of you feel the same. what made it so in my eyes was a convergence of intelligent and loving people who came together to create a safe space for healing to exist. people were honest with each other, open. giving. the response i’ve gotten over and over is: it was so HONEST.

i want to thank every single one of you who made it to our event, and to those who volunteered and sponsored the night – you made it what it was and we are grateful indeed.

we now have sheets and sheets of paper with new ideas for what is next, and we will keep you informed as we plan it out. for now, i just wanted to say thank you, with all my heart.

there will be so much more, and we hope you are all there with us.